Keepin' Up

On Wednesday nights, my boys go with their dad.  And by go with him, I mean they spend a couple hours with him.  Sometimes it's dinner.  Sometimes it's just a trip to the library and then dessert.  Last night it was Barnes and Noble and a stop at the gas station for some cheetos and potato chips.  No judging here.  The boys came home elated for having spent some time with their dad, as they always were on those nights.  They were also excited about their cheetos and potato chips. And they were the most excited about the new lego sets they each got from their dad that very same evening.

We got pajamas on and nibbled on their snacks (they shared with me) while we watched a show.  Then it was time for bed.  They brushed their teeth and hopped into bed, ready to cuddle with me for a bit before falling asleep.  

My youngest was out first.  And then out of nowhere my oldest turned to me and said the most unexpected thing.

You never buy us potato chips or lego sets.

What???  Where was this coming from?  I was taken back by his statement to say the very least.  We were cuddling in bed.  He seemed happy to have spent time with his dad and happy to now be spending time with me.  I'm sure he didn't realize the blow he had just made, but I was surprised nonetheless.  The potato chip part was true.  I've never been a big fan of potato chips.  But as for the legos...what the...

I thought about all the things I did for both my kids every day.  The choices I made for them impacting everything from the food they ate to the activities they participated in to the school they were currently attending.  I thought about the beautiful home I alone had created for them and the new friendships in our community that I had worked to build.  I thought about every penny I spent on them compared to how much my Ex spent on them.  I also thought about the money my Ex still owed me.  I thought about the amount of time I had always given my kids verses the time their father was able to give and I wondered if they would ever truly understand the difference.  In a matter of seconds, I thought about all of these things simultaneously and I felt the need to defend my position.

But then I looked at my son and the entire narrative changed.

I explained to my son that there are things that dad does and there are things that mom does. And those things might be different. But it's okay because both mom and dad love him very much.  He seemed to satisfied with that answer or maybe he was just tired and was ready to fall asleep.

Then, because I had resisted the urge to say all the nasty things that first came to mind, I allowed myself to set one thing straight.

I have bought you lego sets.  You just have so many legos you probably don't remember.

I'm pretty sure he was asleep by that point.  But as I walked out of the room, I took a moment to note how nice the view was from the high road.